Romanticking Me Off (or Why Romantasy Sucks)
Giving "Blowhard" A Whole New Meaning
Valentine's Day has come and gone, dear reader, and while I had been contemplating using the holiday to address some romance tropes that grind my gears I settled on calling out an entire genre instead.
You see, Romantasy is at least nominally a combination of romance and fantasy. A romance heavy fantasy novel, if you will.
Now then, let's kickstart things by calling Romantasy what it actually is: smut.
Don't bother trying to deny it either. I've read Romantasy, dear reader. I've spoken to romantasy fans at length. And trust me the majority of them are very concerned about length. And girth, but I digress. But
“Romantasy has plot, though!” You may say. “So does porn, bro,” says I.
We've all seen the meme about the gal who ordered pizza and can't pay but just because a nice lady offers to ride a delivery boy to cover the price of a calzone does not mean the independent short film they're starring in is on par with Citizen fucking Kane!
Listen I'm not a prude (lmao, no), but there's a time and place for intimacy. Making your significant other moan your name is great and all but it's a little weird to do it at the dinner table while Grandpa cuts the Thanksgiving turkey.
Thus also with storytelling.
Think that sound obvious? Yeah well so did I but here we are.
Now I'm not saying there's no place for romance in stories. Hell I'd argue most stories are improved by having some thrown in! Its just weird when it subverts the plot to become the clear (and often times only) emphasis of the narrative.
You see, there is an unspoken contract between a reader and author when they pick up a book, dear reader. A silent agreement where the author promises to bestow upon your precious time a final product that matches its given description.
Romantasy betrays that trust. It tries to hide behind fantasy's coattails and pretend to be something it isn't.Not so long ago if you wanted to read Romance you'd pick up a romance novel but with franchises like Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, the Witcher, Wheel of Time, and others increasing the presence of Fantasy in the cultural zeitgeist it appears Romance is feeling a little unloved.
They want a piece of the action and don't mind intentionally misrepresenting themselves to do it.
If you promise a rip roaring tale of murder and intrigue your audience is allowed to be off put by your eschewing that foundation to focus on dragon dicks and fairy sex is all I'm saying.
Yet worse than the books who lie to you, however, are authors who try to jump on the Romantasy bandwagon at the expense of their own vision, particularly in series that already have an established tone.
It would have been weird to read the first three books in Harry Potter only to get to the Goblet of Fire and have Hermione break out her tits for Viktor Krum, no?
My point in all of this is that Romantasy as it is today is a thin and undeserved cloak to read smut in public while pretending you’re reading something more socially acceptable, and that's just sad.
Be honest with yourself.
By all means write that corny hockey themed book about doing it on the ice rink you've been daydreaming about. All I ask is that you write your smut and crank your hog/flick your bean in peace but know when to leave your characters (and the rest of us) out of it.